Half a Heart Alone
by quantumparadigm
Summary: Part 2 of the 'No Strings Attached' saga. Set during the initial collector attack on the SR1. Alexis and Kaidan fight to survive, remembering the life they've built for themselves just as it starts to fall apart around them. Fluff, angst, smut. Little plot. You've been warned. Shenko.


**Opening AN:**

I'm not dead! *cheerleading dance, etc* Just been super busy with IRL stuff. I quit my job and started my own business, and it's like I have _less_ free time now even though I'm technically home most of the day now. Ah well. It's fun, arduous, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

So without further ado...

Here it is, the sequel to _No Strings Attached_! Honestly, I never expected to pen a sequel, but after I finished NSA, I couldn't just let go - and it certainly seemed as if some of you couldn't either. :) So here we are!

Short note about the format of this story: it's told _in media res_ (sort of), so even though it starts at the beginning of ME2, there's _ample_ opportunity for fluffy goodness.

Rated M, of course, for some swearing and fluff. ;) You know the drill by now. Final warning, cursor, X, up there, etc.

Lastly, a million thank you's to Kassandra Black, TheRev28, and inF3ctioNZ for being my sounding board and beta-reading this story for me. It wouldn't be half as good as it is without them.

Enjoy!

-quantum

-A-

**Protocol**

-A-

Lieutenant-Commander Alexis Shepard was _livid._

Someone was tearing her ship to pieces, threatening the livelihood of her crew. She didn't let her mind stray to the dead. Not yet. She could count the fallen later, grieve for them when it wouldn't get even more people killed. That compartmentalization that she was so good at, the type that had gotten her through Mindoir and through the blitz, kicked in and she steadied herself against the bulkhead as she encoded the distress beacon and swallowed no fewer than two separate freak out sessions and attempting, rather poorly, to prevent a third when her mind strayed to Kaidan. The console trembled beneath her fingers as explosions rocked through the ship

Not making it wasn't an option. She was a _survivor_.

The deck rolled beneath her feet and she pitched through the holographic display, missing the button to launch the distress beacon. She cursed and pushed off the bulkhead. Joker's voice mixed with the blaring klaxons until the speakers abruptly cut off as the whole ship quivered. Ruddy red emergency lighting filtered through as power to most of the ship shutdown with a crack.

Whatever weapons the unknown assailants were using, they were damn effective, cutting through the hull of the _Normandy_ as if she weren't made of hardened alloys and instead was composed of lighter things that parted at the drop of a hat. Like clouds.

The _Normandy_ lurched as the inertial dampeners failed, and she barely managed to launch the beacon before she crashed onto the floor, knocking her head against the sleeper pods. The panel fritzed out shortly after, leaving her bathed in the flickering red of the emergency lights. Even those were in danger of crapping out.

One more slice from the enemy, and they would.

_Priorities, Shepard. Get up._

Alexis grunted, pulling herself up, Joker's voice echoed over the comm once more. Evac procedures initiated automatically with the ship barely managed to hold together. The crew needed to get to the pods, she needed to authorize their release. The head of marine detail had to oversee the evacuation, ensure everyone made the checklist.

Everyone that wasn't already dead.

Couldn't think about that now.

She secured her helmet from where it had fallen, pressing the seals in place. Boots echoed on the deck behind her. Heavy, steady yet rushed footfalls she'd recognize without having to turn to see who the runner was. Only one person would seek her out despite orders.

"Shepard!"

-A-

"Shepard!" Kaidan quickly marched up the deck towards her through the CIC. "Evac drill is ready on your order."

She smirked at him. His voice was cool and professional. Anyone looking at them wouldn't have seen anything but the head of marine detail reporting to the CO, per orders and regulations.

His eyes said otherwise.

She took the datapad from his outstretched hand, fingers gently caressing his for the briefest of seconds. Over so fast he could have imagined it, but she knew from the small smile that tugged at the corner of his lips that he had not. "Thank you, Alenko. Though I do believe I put you in charge of the evac procedures this afternoon."

Evac drills reminded her of high-school fire drills. At the time, they seemed pointless. Boring. Something practiced simply to make the grunts and FNGs complain.

In reality, they were among one of the most important things a CO could order their crew to do. And she did it with regularity. Too many experiences in her life had left her with a bitter taste for disorganization in the face of traumatic events. Especially traumatic events that happened without warning. That's where practiced precision would kick in. Soldiers would know what to do because they'd done it before. It'd be easier to get someone going who was in shock. Their feet carrying them where their brains couldn't function properly.

Either the message sunk in, or they sunk with the ship. Metaphorically speaking.

"You want me to call the order, ma'am?"

Referring to her as "ma'am" shouldn't have sent shivers down her spine, but it did. Just a slight lowering of the register of his voice. A tad more husk and little less formality.

"For the purpose of this exercise, I am immobilized and otherwise unable to oversee the evacuation. Navigator Pressly is acting CO, making you acting XO on top of head of marine detail. Call the order."

She brought the datapad up to her eyes, effectively dismissing him. She trusted Alenko to oversee the evac drill. And she knew that he knew what that trust meant. Burying her face in the datapad meant she had no doubts that he would do this properly.

They walked a fine line skirting the regs. A _very_ fine line. Engaging in some light flirting only while on duty. And while off duty…

Well, that was a completely different thing.

At first, they'd attempted to be purely professional. Especially after she approached Anderson and, without naming anyone, confessed she had a personal interest in one the crew. He hadn't asked for details. He didn't need them. He _had_ told her that no one could be reassigned before the mission to Eden Prime so she'd have to keep it in her pants for the time being.

After everything had gone so far sideways and the _Normandy_ ended up under her command, Anderson hadn't given any further comment on the matter other than, "Keep it quiet, 'cause you need people you can trust for this mission. I don't care who it is or how long it's been going on. As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing to be concerned about."

One final stern look had said _don't make me regret this._

He was right. She did need people she could trust, because the mission had turned out to be bigger than anyone could have managed. A routine delivery mission had resulted in more chaos than anyone could have predicted, least of all her. She still hadn't been surprised when the Council tried to nail that on their asses. Fortunately logic prevailed insofar as no one would believe in their right minds that humanity had actively worked with the geth to not only destroy a Prothean artifact but to destroy part of their own colony doing so.

That was about where their ability to maintain common sense ended.

So with all of that under their belt, they'd been cautious the first few weeks. Maintaining a mostly professional distance and only engaging in anything while off the ship aboard the Citadel, away from prying eyes.

But once it became clear that this tour wasn't going to end anytime soon because Saren had gone to ground, they started letting little things slide while off duty. It'd only taken a week after that turning point for Kaidan to knock on her door in the middle of the night, quietly asking to slip into bed with her.

They hadn't even made love. Just settled in each others' arms, breathing in each others' warmth, caressing skin before falling asleep.

If anyone noticed his empty pod in the morning, no one said anything. Or they didn't connect the dots, simply assuming a migraine had woken him up. Which happened less often than one might think, but often enough that people weren't surprised to see him prowling the deck in the middle of the night.

After that, they rarely spent a night apart. Even if it was just a few hours spent in each others' arms, it was worth it.

She watched him out of the corner of her eye as he approached the galaxy map and took her position in CIC. He looked good up there. Definitely a natural. She could see why he was being groomed for XO and wanted to do everything possible to make sure he got it. He definitely deserved it.

He ran the evac drill smoothly, never once looking to her for clearance or affirmation. Eyes forward, shoulders straight. Bearing the burden as if he really were the XO. And the crew treated him as such, respectfully ignoring her presence and taking their cue from him. Obeying him as if it were her instead. Her chest swelled with pride.

She made note of that on the pad. That he was a natural, if quiet, leader. Certainly different from her, but not all manner of leaders had to be the shouting type. It simply suited her.

That's probably one of the reasons why they worked so well together. They complimented each other in unexpected ways. Ways she never would have anticipated based solely on their encounter on Trident.

She was more in love with him than ever.

Only a small part of her worried about it affecting their duties. But he'd never given her reason to doubt his ability to separate their personal relationship from the job. She hoped that she'd likewise instilled in him the confidence that she was capable of leading without favoritism.

It was one of the things they stayed up late talking about.

At first, they'd both agreed that once this tour was over they should request separate assignments. It was the rational decision and would prevent them from finding themselves in situations where they could be accused of being emotionally compromised. But now…

Now she wasn't so sure. Oh, the worry was still there that they could be accused of being emotionally compromised, but from the few months they'd spent working together she'd discovered an entirely new aspect of him. She'd always assumed that he was intelligent and forward thinking, but working with him, having him as her head of marine detail had shown her just how good he was at his job.

No wonder he had multiple commendations per year. Puzzling that he hadn't advanced further, but she reasoned it was partially bias against L2's and partially because he was quiet, a bit reserved.

She never really would have guessed at him being reserved, but she'd only known his 'civilian' side. That didn't go away while he was on duty, but it was subdued. Kept in check.

She'd come to rely on his input. Once they got past the flirting and making eyes at each other, they really got to business. He was _good_ at managing the marine detail. Better than she had been.

He had the patience for it.

He was also good at pattern recognition. Something that came in handy on more than a few occasions when they had to improvise on the field. He'd been able to see patterns she hadn't.

So in her report, she noted that he'd make a good XO. Recommended him for the command path.

Her heart was only a little sad at that, because she doubted that after this tour they'd replace Pressly with Alenko. Pressly was a good XO, too. Different, less lenient than she suspected Alenko would be, but fair. He was also a fantastic navigator. So she rather doubted that Alenko would actually stay on her ship, but it was no longer something she was relieved about.

But he deserved to spread his wings and fly.

She shared a quick word with Pressly as he oversaw the crew exiting the ship, correcting those who'd decided to only take this half-seriously with a briskness that had them double-timing it off the ship. As soon as any crew saw her, serious faces were plastered on all around.

No one wanted to be on her shit list. She was fair, more lenient than most CO's. But mess up on her watch and it was the last thing they'd do before receiving a boot so far up their ass they'd still be feeling it the following week, ears ringing from the dressing down received in the process.

All in all, the drill took five minutes to execute. Kaidan gave her all the all clear after confirming each deck was empty before she stopped the timer and met her at the airlock. She could see the crew standing outside, lined up neatly in front of Pressly at the end of the docking arm.

"Great job, Lieutenant." She saluted Kaidan, turning her face ever so slightly to the side so as to hide her grin.

He saluted back in perfect formation, waiting for her to release hers before standing down.

"Technically, ma'am, not everyone is accounted for."

"Pressly marked me off as 'medevac'. Even made two crewmen carry an empty stretcher off the ship."

"I'm still here."

"Had him mark you off, too."

"So you could debrief me?"

"Exactly. He's dismissing everyone for shore leave as we speak. Twenty-four hours. Ship is closed for the next few hours. Maintenance crews."

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the crew disperse. Pressly would have given them ten minutes to collect anything they needed, but the ship was only closed for a few hours. Credit chits and their boots would suffice for the time being. No one took him up on his offer, not even himself.

Kaidan leaned in, ever so slightly invading her personal space in a way that made heat pool in her belly. "Does that mean we're officially off duty, Commander?"

"Indeed it does, Lieutenant."

He reached out and activated the airlock, shutting the door.

The gesture looked innocent. She knew it wasn't.

"How long until the maintenance crews get here?"

"Normandy is scheduled for maintenance at 1500 hours, Alliance Standard."

Kaidan checked the time on the bridge display. Currently 1330 hours.

She started walking towards the CIC. Kaidan followed as if deciding to help her shut things down before leaving. She shut down the monitors one at a time while Kaidan put the ship into 'sleep mode'. Effectively powering down all the nonessential systems without completely taking the ship offline. Routine procedure for ship maintenance. Especially since the outer hull had sustained minor damage in the last mission and engineering had submitted a report afterwards notifying her that part of the grid was unresponsive. They'd shut it down and rerouted, but the cables could still be live.

Fortunate for her that the damaged section was close to the central computer because that had to be brought offline in case of accidents during the maintenance. She initialized the backup system and routed the ships functions through it, signaling to Kaidan that it was safe to shut down the main computer, relishing in the fact that backup system didn't have control of the surveillance cameras.

Almost as if sensing her thoughts, she felt Kaidan's fingers graze lightly against her waist, his breath warm against her neck.

It was the first time the _Normandy_ was running dark. The first time the ship had been completely empty. Just the two of them aboard.

She leaned into him, a thrill of adrenaline running through her at the blatant show of affection in the CIC. Logically, she knew it was empty, but it didn't stop her brain from reacting from the attention in a place where they normally were strictly professional.

The static build up between the two of them was intense, hot, the air crackling between them until his fingers skimmed against her wrist and the energy discharged. She flared, and was only slightly embarrassed about it because god, she hadn't felt his touch since they first docked at the station. Meetings and odd hours and interviews preventing them from spending more than ten minutes together.

He pressed a kiss against the back of her neck. Something he relished doing because her hair was down as soon as she was off the clock. He took the chance whenever he could to press his lips against her neck when it was bare to the world. And she loved the warmth the flooded her system every time he did. Especially on the few occasions where they ran into each other while on duty, no one else around and no cameras.

That wasn't often.

Those kisses were usually saved for her quarters, the bathroom, or for when they were off the ship entirely.

His lips trailed to the edge of her collar, tugging the fabric lower, sending shivers up her spine. She breathed heavily as she turned around, unable to resist glancing around the CIC and confirming that it was, in fact, empty. Warm lips met hers in a rush before she had the chance to say anything, probably knowing that she'd suggest they move if only to minimize the chance of someone walking in on them.

A part of her loved the blatant disregard of said chances, relishing in the excitement.

So she met his kiss hungrily, voicing her pleasure in the back of her throat and feeling it echo in his. His own growls mixing with her soft almost-whimpers. It started slightly hesitant, as if they were both on high-alert, capable of standing to attention at a moments notice, but quickly turned into something else entirely as he crushed himself against her, biting her lower lip to pull her in. She shifted against the panel behind her, heaving herself onto the flat part of the console. Grasping for the controls to deactivate the holo-grid and failing to find them.

She quickly forgot about it when his hands dipped towards her waistline, fingers clutching at the fabric, slowly sliding it out of her pants.

She broke off the kiss, tangling her hands in his harness. Fingers seeking the clasps to remove the straps until his found hers and gently tugged them away. A mischievous smile on his lips and a wicked glint in his eyes.

Alexis grunted in frustration but it died in her throat as Kaidan slid down onto his knees and his breath floated across her belly as he pulled her BDU shirt up. Her fingers tangled into his hair, impatient and demanding, but he took his time unbuckling her belt and releasing the clasp of her pants. Memorizing every part of her, pressing kisses to her skin, teasing her panty-line with hot licks of his tongue. It was too much to bear. She wanted to feel him against her, down there. She wanted to ride him and kiss him and ravish him.

Her breath came out raggedly, chest heaving, as he finally slid her underwear down, exposing her.

Still he teased her, taking his time. Kaidan Alenko had enough self control for a whole platoon. And right now it was driving her wild. She dug her fingers into his scalp and bucked her hips, but he firmly held her in place. Hands splayed on her hips.

"God, Kaidan…"

He kissed closer, dangerously closer. She felt hot and anxious and impatient. His lips were like fire against her skin. Every lingering touch left a burning trail in its wake.

He stopped.

She panted into the air expectantly, but nothing happened.

She lifted her head, peering down at him. Hot amber eyes met hers like a shock of electricity. He was mere centimeters away from her. The sight of him kneeling between her in the CIC, desire etched into his features was enough to send her over the edge.

Without breaking eye contact, his lips met her almost religiously. Soft and gentle. Amber eyes darkening as she cried out and shuddered against him as he finally made contact after long moments of teasing, bringing her to the edge and holding her there. His eyes never left hers, even as he slowly increased the tempo and she writhed on the console, thighs gripping his shoulders tightly. They burned with an intensity that made her mouth go dry, the liquid pooling deep in her belly, mixing with the tension building deep within. His fingers dug harshly into her hips. Kaidan clutched her tightly, preventing her from thrusting as she wanted to, and the inability to move drove her wild.

Her breathing was frenzied, ragged. Hot and rushed. She was close. He voiced his own desire into her and the soft vibration of his husky voice combined with the overwhelming sensations already flooding her system was too much. She flared again, bathing the room in a bright blue as she climaxed, heels kicking against his back as he rode it out. Applying just the right amount of pressure to keep her flying.

When she did, she wanted to take a moment. To just breathe, to regain her senses.

Instead she pushed herself off the console, sliding onto Kaidan's lap. She had him on his back before he had a chance to react to her sudden arrival. Still reeling from just moments again, vision still blurred and hazy. Barely enough control to biotically pull at the small clasps of Kaidan's belt and send their clothes flying into a heap a few feet away.

He didn't complain about being pressed against the cold deck, Alexis straddling his waist. His face was flushed as even he reached the end of his own seemingly unlimited supply of self-control. She had no doubt the environment and the brashness of their actions had something to do that. The thrill of potentially being caught, however minor it was. Pleasuring each other where they were typically forced to exude professionalism.

Energy laced along his limbs as he gazed up at her. Amber eyes burning hotly.

"God, I love you."

His voice was deep and husky and she shivered against him, digging her fingers into his arms while his hands slid up her waist. Ever so slightly insisting she slide just _that_ much lower, allowing him entrance.

She resisted and when he opened his lips, she pressed a finger against them. Silencing him. He growled against her fingertip, his tongue darting out to caress her calloused skin. She couldn't help the moan that escaped her lips.

He didn't release his hold of her hips, but he obeyed her. For now. Alexis smiled and leaned down, trailing kisses up his chest to the little hollow of his neck and Kaidan arched his back with a small gasp, biting down on the finger that had now curled into his mouth.

She slowly pressed further up, sliding her chest against his. His breathing was fast and hard. Calloused fingers digging into the small of her back as she continued her slow journey up the side of his neck to his ear. Her finger still caught between his teeth. She gently tugged on his earlobe and he groaned, arching his back again. Hands crushing her against him, trying once more to slide her down.

She pinched her thighs against his sides and bit down on his ear, causing him to growl and dig his fingers into her skin. He slid his hands down over her ass and she very nearly lost control and took him right there.

It's probably what he was hoping for.

He knew her too well.

Instead she sat up and captured his hands in hers, forcing them above his head. He could so easily flip her over, but he didn't.

Then, holding his gaze, she slowly inched her way down his body until she could feel him _just_ pressing against her. He shuddered beneath her, angling his hips, but she moved with him, keeping him right at the edge.

His lips crashed against her, hot and hard, just as he was. His tongue dancing with hers, his need apparent and urgent. His control slowly shattering. She whimpered into his mouth as he continued kissing her, arms straining against hers but not breaking free. Not yet.

She wanted him to lose control, purposefully testing the limits of his abilities. She loved the urgent, desire, impatient side of him. When he let his walls crumble around him and it was just _them_. No restraint of worries or thoughts percolating in the back of his mind. Just what was happening in the moment.

She slid a little lower, the tip of him just crossing the threshold and he groaned into her mouth, the sound rumbling in her throat. She captured his lip in her teeth and slid even lower. His whole body shuddered, hands harshly grasping hers, and she could feel him trying to urge her on with ever fiber of his being. Willing her lower. Needing her lower.

She was wet and warm and he growled against her throat as she continued her slow pace down, unable to bear the torture. She couldn't tell if she was torturing herself or him more. The feel of him inside her, even just the tip, was enough to drive her wild, to crave the whole length of him inside her, to feel him inside her, memorizing her, loving her.

Before she had to decide, Kaidan made the choice for her. With a grunt he heaved himself upwards, pressing her down until he was completely inside her. She threw her head back and his hand found the underside of her neck, holding her steady, while his other resting on her bottom, rocking her into him. An erratic tempo of need and desire and love. She clutched at his shoulders, nails digging into his muscles for leverage, pulling herself up at an ever increasing rate. Using her knees to brace both of them.

Neither could slow down. Neither wanted to. It was hot and urgent, their voices echoing off the bulkheads, the room flickering in various shades of blue as each flared. She was so close again, heat coiling in her abdomen, tension building anew. She rode him harder, deeper, pressing herself against him.

The hand at the back of her neck slid down over her breast, pinching the nipple before grazing over belly. His thumb sliding between her legs, lower, pressing against her just so and the sensations were too much. She careened over the edge of sensations, crying out against him as climaxed again, grateful for the empty ship because she was sure anyone in the cargo bay would have heard her.

Kaidan didn't relent, pulling her onto him, thrusting into her as she rocked her hips, still shuddering from her orgasm, still reeling, until he came, matching her cries with his own, her name on his lips.

They both fell to the deck together, breathing hard and heavy, dazed.

She knew they shouldn't linger too long. She'd lost track of time. The maintenance crews could be walking down docking arm to her ship right now. But Alexis couldn't bring herself to care. She wanted to stay right here, in Kaidan's arms, listening to his heartbeat as he held her close to him.

It was the only place she ever truly felt like she was home.


End file.
